The Backend
How the all-time greats Spielberg, Kaminsky and Williams come up with this scrambled gimmicky mess eludes me.
| Storytelling | 🐷🐷 |
| Characters | 🐷🐷 |
| Acting | 🐷🐷🐷 |
| Drama, Baby! | 🐷 |
| Fun | 🐷🐷 |
| Humour | 🐷🐷 |
| Visuals | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Music and Sound | 🐷🐷🐷 |
| Originality | 🐷🐷 |
| Entertainment value | 🐷🐷🐷 |
| Production value | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Satisfaction | 🐷🐷 |
| Storytelling | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Characters | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Acting | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Drama, Baby! | 🐷🐷🐷 |
| Fun | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Humour | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Visuals | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Music and Sound | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Originality | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Entertainment value | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Production value | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Satisfaction | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Storytelling | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Characters | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Acting | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Drama, Baby! | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Fun | 🐷🐷🐷 |
| Humour | 🐷 |
| Visuals | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Music and Sound | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Originality | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Entertainment value | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Production value | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Satisfaction | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
Just having learned today what «Giri choko» or «Pflichtschokolade» means, I realized what a lazy bastard I can be, preferring eating chocolate, pizza and McRaclette instead of writing forced movie «reviews» no one will ever read anyway.
Celebrating this new found honesty, I’m hereby introducing a new review-format for all no-time-for-no-bullshit-film-fans out there:
The «Quicky» [measured in metric pigs]:
Here we go, starting with John Krasinski’s brillant «A Quiet Place» (Categories may vary):
| Storytelling | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Characters | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Acting | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Drama, Baby! | 🐷🐷🐷 |
| Fun | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Humour | 🐷 |
| Visuals | 🐷🐷🐷 |
| Music and Sound | 🐷🐷🐷 |
| Originality | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Entertainment value | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Production value | 🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
| Satisfaction | 🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷 |
